please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
