Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
