Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
