Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
