Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
