I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
