mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
