I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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