Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
home. puking in laundry basket.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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