Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
