of course. lets lasso hookers.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
