i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my sisters under your porch take her home
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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