Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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