I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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