Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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