I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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