Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
