We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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