my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
