I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
