Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he puts the penis in happiness.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
