Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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