I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
