All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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