How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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