I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
