Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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