I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
