I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
