the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
