Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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