Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
