your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Your dad touched me again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
