Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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