Say something about gay babies.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am available for nakedness
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
