got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In America we eat man semen.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
