Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
