but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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