remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
