she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
