I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
