I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
this is an emotional support booty call
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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