she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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