I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
