Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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