does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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