Me. At least after what I've been through.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
