no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
