Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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