Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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