be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
