bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
